I fell off the blogging wagon, you’re not surprised are you? Life happens right? Life has been busy which is both good and bad. I know when I’m stressed that I make myself busier so that I dont have time to process things that need to be processed. Its something I’ve done since I can remember.
For those of you still around or actually taking time to read this, thank you.
Losing my mom has by far been the hardest thing I have ever been through. As the holidays are approaching I am trying to think positive but at the same time, I miss her. No cookie baking this year. No Nana Christmas. No nutcracker tradition that she just started last year. No calling her to see how her Christmas eve party went. It’s all different. I’m so glad she isnt suffering anymore but currently that’s hard for me to handle because her not being in pain means me going through life without her.
Both of my boys just had birthdays. Normally she’d send a fee gifts and call and sing them happy birthday before they head of to school. But there was nothing from her and no call.
Time might heal all wounds but I feel like this one might take eternity. I hurt daily, I’m holding back tears daily. Its lonely without a mom. Raising 3 kids is hard. I’d always call and vent to her about whatever problem I was dealing with. She would give her motherly advice on how to handle that child and the situation. Most of the time it was just what I needed and other times I just needed to vent. I miss our vent sessions where we would just talk about all the things bothering us. It was freeing and perfect therapy….
Speaking of therapy, I quit going. I wasnt feeling it. Maybe I’m not ready, maybe it was hard, maybe my therapist wasnt the right fit for me. I’ll look into it again at some point. For now I’m focusing on other things and trying to find joy in my daily life.
I miss mom. I miss her laugh. I miss her yelling my full name when I would cuss. I miss talking to her. I miss her wisdom. I miss the love she showed my kids. I miss the traditions we had.
Love ya mom❤